Parents of Late Talkers Try Reducing Questions

When engaging with your late talker, it’s crucial to strike a balance between questions and comments to enhance their language development. Excessive close-ended questions may limit your child's expressive abilities, so let's explore effective strategies to create a dynamic and enjoyable communication environment.

The Power of Comments

Shift your focus from questions to comments, describing the activities, experiences, or sensations you and your child share. Strive for a ratio of 3-5 comments for every question, fostering a more engaging and expressive interaction. This is sometimes called the 3:1 rule, but I actually prefer even more comments to questions, so I call it the 5:1 rule!

Avoiding the Quiz Trap

Many parents, eager for their child's progress, fall into the pattern of repetitive questioning. I often will see it bubble up once a child has some expressive vocabulary, and parents are eager to pull it out ("What's this?" or "What does the (animal) say?" are things I hear all the time. While there's nothing inherently wrong with questions, and these parents are well-intentioned, this can quickly turn into a communication quiz. It really can diminish the fun, and make for a stressful environment for the child, feeling like they're being asked to perform when talking is already a challenging task for them. Instead, I suggest we aim for a lively, language-rich environment that encourages spontaneous speech and exploration. I do this by consciously reducing the number of questions I ask. Our goal is to foster an environment where your child feels motivated to express themselves freely.

Ask Yourself...Are You Asking Too Many Questions?

Reflect on your communication by observing your interactions by video recording yourself, or better yet, have a partner monitor your comment-to-question ratio. Adjust your approach to ensure a healthy balance and maximize your child's language learning experience. Oftentimes times parents don't even realize they have an out of balance question to comment ratio. This is something you may have to carefully watch yourself on to change the habit.

Activities to Consider

Reading Time

Transform routine activities, such as reading, into language-rich opportunities. Instead of constant questioning ("What's this?"), make descriptive comments that expose your child to diverse vocabulary, fostering a deeper understanding of language. Talk about what you think may happen, and what the characters are doing, talk about the background, talk about the illustrations, and engage in the book in ways beyond as a means to quiz your child on their knowledge of vocabulary.

Playtime

During playtime, follow your child's lead and make comments related to their interests. This connection between focus and language learning strengthens their understanding of words in context, promoting natural language development. Acknowledge their observations and actions.

When playing with your child, it's important to follow your child’s lead and pay attention to their interests. During everyday play and routines, make comments related to their focus of attention, as this establishes a strong connection between their interests and language learning. For example, if they're playing with blocks, you can say:
"You built a tall tower!"
"You're stacking the red blocks on top!"
"Look at the colorful tower you made!"
"Wow, you're building a big bridge with blocks!"
"I see you're using the blue block as a roof."
"You're being so careful and balancing the blocks one by one."
"Wow, a tower!"
“I wonder what will happen when you add the rest of the blocks”
"I like how you're making a pattern with the blocks."
"You're making the tower taller and taller!"

Here are some examples of reframing questions into comments:

Instead of asking, "What's that?" when your child points to a car, say, "I see a car!"
Rather than asking, "What color is the ball?" when your child holds a yellow ball, comment, "Yellow ball!"
Instead of questioning, "Where are you going?" when your child starts to run, exclaim, "Go go go!" or “Run!”
Replace the question, "Are you building?" with the comment, "You are building!"
Instead of asking, "Is it yummy?" after your child takes a bite, express, "Mmm, yummy!"

Comment / Question and PAUSE

Give your child the time and space to respond to comments. Language development is a gradual process, and allowing them to absorb and formulate thoughts at their own pace is essential. Remember, it's okay if they don't respond with words immediately. You can count in your head 5 or 7 seconds before you say something else. If you have asked your child a question I typically will ask the question 2 times (with a good lengthy pause after each time), and if they have not answered the question that's OK, I will model for them how they could answer it. So if I had asked them, "What is she doing?" and they did not respond I would say, "She is running!".  

Pausing is also important when you're making comments. Pause and allow them to process the information and formulate their own thoughts. Remember, language development takes time, and giving them space to absorb and process the language is crucial. It’s OK if they don’t respond with a word, just keep offering them your thoughts and observations.

While it's important to reduce questions, it doesn't mean you should eliminate them entirely. Questions can be valuable in encouraging your child's responses and promoting their engagement. However, opt for open-ended questions that encourage more extended and expressive answers. For instance, instead of asking, "Do you want yogurt?" offer choices like, "Do you want yogurt or cereal?" or ask an open-ended question such as, "What would you like for breakfast?"

Building a strong foundation for your late talker's language development involves intentional communication strategies. By emphasizing comments over questions, embracing a language-rich environment, and offering patience, you create a space where your child feels encouraged to express themselves. For more guidance on supporting your late talker, please join one of our caregiver-and-me language enrichment classes held in Los Gatos!